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If a little planning on your part could
relieve your family from the stress of making important
decisions during an emotionally wrenching time, would
you do it?
Planning your funeral service in
advance can offer emotional and financial security for
you and your family. With preplanning, which doesn’t
necessarily mean paying in advance, families find
comfort in knowing that the funeral reflects what their
loved one wanted.
Peace of mind is among the biggest reasons people are
choosing to make advance funeral prearrangements. A
trend in personalization is another. Individuals and
families today are planning celebrations of life as
unique as the individual being remembered. Today’s
funerals include adding personal touches such as
favorite music and incorporating hobbies and life’s
accomplishments. A Spengel Boulanger or Dauderman
Mortuary funeral director can walk you through
the decisions necessary to create a meaningful funeral
service.
Once you’ve made your plans, keep a copy
of them and any pertinent paperwork in a safe place.
Also, inform a close friend or relative what
arrangements you’ve made and where the information may
be found.
If you choose, there are several ways to
prepay for your funeral. The most common ways include
annuities, life insurance policies, savings accounts,
and bank trusts. Each method has its advantages. To help
determine which option is best for you, ask your funeral
director the following questions:
• Who receives the interest on the account?
• Who must pay taxes on the interest?
• Is the prepayment ever refundable, in
part or in full?
• Can the plan be used at a funeral home
of your choice?
• What happens if the funeral home goes
out of business or is sold?
• In the event that you move, is the
prefunded plan transferable?
If you feel prepaying is wise for you,
then be sure to go over all available options with your
funeral director. As with any contract, ask questions
you may have regarding your preneed plan before you sign
an agreement.
NFDA developed the Consumer Preneed Bill
of Rights as a resource for understanding what to expect
from any preneed contract. The document is available on
NFDA’s Website at www.nfda.org, and outlines the rights
and protections that an ethical and reputable funeral
home will guarantee.
To plan your funeral in advance, contact
Spengel Boulanger Funeral Home or Dauderman Mortuary.
© NFDA 2006.
All rights reserved.
Merging
Meaning and Mourning
A funeral can be as unique as the individual being
remembered. Even while adhering to traditions and
ceremony, a funeral service should reflect personal
values, interest and experiences – all the things that
formed the rich tapestry of a life worth celebrating.
A meaningful funeral service is also an
essential element in the healing process after the loss
of a loved one. A funeral provides family and friends
with closure after the death, and an opportunity to
reminisce about the deceased’s life.
As you reflect on the life of your loved
one, and begin to plan a fitting tribute, focus on the
unique aspects of their life, and work those key
elements into the ceremony. Was your husband an amateur
painter? Consider holding a retrospective of his work.
Was your grandmother a teacher? You may want to ask a
school choir to perform at the service. Weaving your
loved one’s personality into the event provides a
lasting and honorable representation of who they were in
life. Through special music, asking key individuals to
speak, involving friends and family, and other special
touches, you can creatively bring your loved one’s
individuality into the funeral service, evoking fond
memories for those mourning the loss.
A few questions you can ask yourself to
help organize your thoughts include:
• Some of my loved one’s most important
accomplishments include…
• Some of my fondest memories of him or
her are…
• People who had the greatest affect on
my loved one’s life are…
• My loved one’s favorite music is…
• My loved one’s hobbies and interests
include…
• Other things that gave him or her
enjoyment are…
• The causes and beliefs my loved one
was passionate about are…
• If my loved one was planning this
service, he or she would include…
Spengel Boulanger Funeral Home and
Dauderman Mortuary can be your greatest resource as you
sort through your options and begin to make plans. We
offer families information, advice, understanding,
empathy and a shoulder to lean on during one of life’s
most difficult times. We can help you find many unique
ways to bring your loved one’s qualities into the
funeral service.
©
NFDA 2006.
All rights reserved.
Funeral Etiquette in a Changing World
Funerals are a difficult time,
regardless of your relationship with the person who has
died. Funerals aren’t what they were a decade ago,
however. Increasingly personal and unique, with an
increase in non-traditional funeral services, it is
oftentimes challenging to determine what is or isn’t
appropriate, from how to express grief to funeral
etiquette in changing times. There is no right or wrong
answer, but the guiding principle should be your concern
for the wishes of the family.
Obituaries can often provide useful
information about what can be expected at a service,
whether flowers are welcome, or donations to a favorite
charity. As funerals become more of the personal
celebration of a life, so too, do the practices we’ve
come to associate so closely with a funeral service.
One of the biggest questions asked today
is what is appropriate to wear to a funeral. Tradition
used to hold that black was the only appropriate color,
but that is no longer the case. Funeral attire is still
generally a more formal affair, but bright colors are
not necessarily out of place at a service. While more
conservative dress is still favored most often, funerals
that may reflect a favorite hobby or certain lifestyle
may find mourners arriving at a funeral home in biker
gear, to give but one example. Again, the presiding rule
is to respect the wishes of the family and the deceased,
and to pay tribute to them in a way that’s fitting.
Funerals are a time for mourning, but
they are also a time of celebration, of remembering a
life and sharing those connections. It’s natural to
grieve, but it’s also natural to smile through those
tears and laugh as you exchange stories with family and
friends. Beyond extending condolences, don’t be afraid
to offer comfort to a grieving family member by relaying
a treasured memory or two about their loved one. Sending
a card with a note expressing similar sentiments is also
a welcome reminder to families that they are not alone
in their loss.
While funerals continue to evolve, the
core meaning behind them hasn’t changed. They are an
opportunity to remember, to show care for both the
departed and the survivors, and to come together as a
community to pay tribute to a life. Being aware and
respectful of the family’s wishes should provide you
with all the guidance you need. Just knowing that you’re
there and that you care is often more than enough.
Should you have questions, however,
Spengel Boulanger Funeral Home and Dauderman Mortuary
can be a good source of advice and information about
proper funeral etiquette and what’s expected as a
participant in a service.
©
NFDA 2006.
All rights reserved.
Cremation: Creating a Meaningful Funeral
The value of a meaningful funeral cannot be
underestimated. Funerals give families and friends an
opportunity to come together to celebrate a life, to
mourn together but also to reflect together as they
share memories of a loved one and look back on times
spent together. As funeral service offerings become more
diverse, sometimes the choices available become
overwhelming, or come with questions of their own. One
of the rising trends within funeral service is
cremation, a practice that is by no means new, but
increasingly popular.
People who are making end of life
arrangements have a lot of questions, and surveys show
that consumers have a lack of information regarding
funeral options and planning. There are still a lot of
myths surrounding cremation, chief among them that it is
an alternative to a funeral service. Cremation is, in
and of itself, a means of preparing human remains for
final disposition. Choosing cremation in no way suggests
that a memorial service, or even a traditional funeral
service, can’t or shouldn’t take place.
Cremation actually provides you with
increased flexibility when you make your funeral and
ceremony arrangements. You might, for example, choose
to have a traditional funeral service before the
cremation – in the funeral home, with the body present.
This is not an unusual occurrence, and in situations
where families are split on the issue, is often a good
compromise. There can also be a memorial service at the
time of cremation or after the cremation with the urn
present; or a committal service at the final disposition
of cremated remains. Funeral or memorial services can be
held in a place of worship, a funeral home, or a
crematory chapel.
What is important to remember is that
funerals and memorial services fill an important role
for those mourning the death of a loved one. They are
often the first step in the healing process, and the
rituals involved provide a number of comforts to those
who are grieving. Cremation is not an alternative to
such a service, but merely a step in the process. There
are a wide variety of options available to you and your
loved ones as you think about your own needs, and
Spengel Boulanger Funeral Home and Dauderman Mortuary is
ready to walk you through every step of the way. Whether
it’s a small memorial service or a large funeral, the
key is to develop a meaningful celebration of life.
©
NFDA 2006.
All rights reserved.
Healing A
Grieving Heart
Losing a loved one is a heart-wrenching experience. The
powerful, complex, and conflicting emotions that
survivors struggle with often leave a person feeling
alone and helpless. Understanding the basic elements of
grief and learning key coping skills can help
individuals heal and move forward after their loss.
There is no correct way to face the loss
of a loved one. However, there are some emotions that
are commonly experienced while grieving. These feelings
include disbelief, shock, numbness, denial, sadness,
anxiety, guilt, depression, loneliness and frustration.
It can even include anger directed at the person who
died, other family members, medical staff, or toward
religious convictions.
Often grief manifests itself in physical
symptoms such as tightness in the chest or throat, chest
pains, panic attacks, dizziness or trembling, and
disturbed sleep patterns.
During the healing process, crying is
healthy because it is an emotional and physical release.
It is also perfectly normal for a person
to feel like they are going “crazy.” Everyday tasks
can become difficult or demanding. Suddenly driving a
car, paying bills, or shopping for groceries can feel
overwhelming.
A good rule of thumb during this period
is not to overexert yourself. Carry a small notebook and
record things that need remembering. Alert your boss and
coworkers that you may not be operating at maximum
efficiency. Ask friends and family for support. Above
all else, be patient with yourself.
How long grief lasts is different for
everyone. However, many experts agree that the grieving
process is complete when you are able to think of the
deceased without pain. This doesn’t imply that you won’t
still miss that person, it only means that your sadness
will be different, gentler, less wrenching.
There are sources to help you work through your grief. A
Spengel Boulanger or Dauderman Mortuary funeral director is
an excellent resource during this painful time. Your funeral director will listen to your concerns,
explain how others have approached their grief, and give
you any recommendation he or she can to help you.
Here are some additional ways to cope
with the pain from a loss:
• Seek out supportive people
• Join a support group
• Take care of your health
• Find outside help when necessary
More information on healing after the loss of a loved
one is available from Spengel Boulanger Funeral Home and
Dauderman Mortuary.
©
NFDA 2006.
All rights reserved.
Managing Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are a busy time, full of joyful gatherings of family and
friends, a time of reflection and fond memories. But for
those who have experienced the death of a loved one, the
holidays can seem much more daunting, especially
stressful and lonely. For those affected by the recent
hurricanes that devastated much of the south, this
holiday season may present an even greater sense of
loss.
While it may be a
struggle, there are things that can be done to ease the
grief and make coping less difficult. The National
Funeral Directors Association offers the following
suggestions for the bereaved to help them better cope
with the holiday season:
Take care of yourself,
both physically and mentally.
Don't be afraid to set limits. The holiday season is
busy enough that it can exhaust anyone, but if you are
shouldering an extra burden of grief, it only makes it
more unappealing. Get enough sleep, eat well, and take
time out for yourself. Think about what family
traditions you want to take part in, and what may be too
much, and don't be afraid to say no to activities that
may overwhelm you.
Share your memories
with others.
Speaking about your loved ones and sharing remembrances
can often help alleviate some of the pain of the season.
If it helps, take part in a memorial or remembrance
service at your local place of worship or family funeral
home. Spending time with others who understand what
you're going through is often a great source of comfort.
Above all, do what's
right for you.
Your family and friends care about you, and will likely
offer advice about what they think is best for the
grieving process. Don't forget to do what feels most
comfortable for you. If volunteering at a local hospital
or food pantry helps you heal, then seek out
opportunities in the community. If stepping back from a
more active role in your family's celebratory activities
is the best way, let them know. It is perfectly natural
to need time and space to honor your feelings, and the
memory of your loved one. But don't forget to seek out
your family and friends for support. You are not alone.
The Gift of Life through Organ and Tissue Donation
There is no better way
to make a difference in someone’s life than to consider
giving the gift of life through organ and tissue
donation. Organs and tissue from a single donor can
help more than 25 individuals. Yet, there are 80,000
people on the national waiting list for life-saving
organ transplants.
While it is important to indicate your
donor status on your driver’s license, it is extremely
important to share your decision with family. Because
most deaths occur outside of a hospital, it is best to
discuss your donation wishes in advance, though
hospitals are required to offer the option of donation
to every family. Other organ and tissue donation facts
you need to know:
·
One in 20 people will need some type of tissue
transplant in his or her lifetime.
· Transplantable organs include heart, kidneys,
intestines, pancreas and liver.
· Transplantable tissue includes bone, skin,
heart valves, connective tissue, veins and eyes.
· In many states, family consent is required at
the time of donation.
A family’s organ and
tissue donation decision should not interfere with
funeral arrangements, including visitations and open
casket services. Oftentimes, a grieving family can find
comfort in knowing that dozens of people may be helped
by a generous organ or tissue donation. Funeral
directors respect and support a family’s decision to
choose donation. They can help by providing donation
information to families, as well as noting donation
wishes of those who preplan their funerals.
There are several
questions that families should ask the donor
organization regarding the donation process. They
include:
· When and where
will the donation take place?
· How long with
it take?
· Have you
informed the funeral director of this information?
Donation is a choice
only you can make. Now is a good time to talk with your
family about your donation decision, and also to make
sure your wishes are indicated on your driver’s license,
donor card or living will.
More information on organ and tissue
donation is available through The Gift of Hope Organ &
Tissue Donor Network at giftofhope.org; the National
Donor Family Council at donorfamily.org; or at
Spengel-Boulanger Funeral Home or Dauderman Mortuary.
Discussing
Death with a Child
Q: Should
children attend funerals?
A:
Yes. Attending the funeral allows the child to be a
part of the family at a time when they need love and
attention the most. If the child is leery of the
funeral, perhaps you can arrange a private moment before
or after the service for the child to say goodbye. Or
ask your funeral director if their facility has a
playroom where that child could stay until the service
is complete. The important thing is that the child is
with friends and family and not isolated from the
situation.
Q: How can I
help a grieving child?
A:
Here are five simple ways to help a grieving child:
· Be there for
the child. Listen when they need to talk, and hug them
when they need comfort.
· Share fond
memories about the loved one with the child, and
encourage them to share their own memories.
· Encourage the
child to draw a picture or write a letter to their loved
one. These items could be place in the casket or
displayed during the cremation.
· Frame a picture
of the loved one for the child or give the child another
memento to remember their loved one by. (i.e. coins
that were in their pocket, a favorite pin, etc.)
· Involve the
child in the funeral. Let them read a poem or letter
they have written, sing or play a song during the
service, or even just attend the funeral with family and
friends.
Q: How can we
protect children from the loss?
A: It is
impossible to protect children from the pain of losing
someone they loved. Trying to hide the death from them
will only delay their inevitable realization that the
person is no longer a part of the child’s life. It is
better to include children in the mourning experience
and teach them a healthy way to deal with their
feelings.
Frequently Asked
Questions About Funeral Service
Q: What is the
purpose of a funeral?
A: Funerals fill
an important role for those morning the loss of a loved
one. By providing surviving family members and friends
a caring, supportive environment in which to share
thoughts and feelings about the death, funerals are the
first step in the healing process. The ritual of
attending a funeral service provides many benefits
including:
- Providing a social support
system for the bereaved.
- Helping the bereaved
understand death is final and that death is part of
life.
- Integrating the bereaved back
into the community.
- Easing the transition to a new
life after the death of a loved one.
- Providing a safe haven for
embracing and expressing pain.
- Reaffirming one’s relationship
with the person who died.
- Providing a time to say
good-bye.
It is possible to
have a full funeral service even for those choosing
cremation. The importance of the ritual is in providing
a social gathering to help the bereaved begin the
healing process.
Q:
I’ve never arranged a funeral before. What do I need to
know?
A: At some time in
our lived, most of us will make or assist in making
funeral arrangements. This will not be an easy time,
but the National Funeral Directors Association offers
these tips for smart planning.
- Be an informed consumer.
Don’t be reluctant to ask questions.
- Today’s funeral director
offers a variety of options to meet your financial
needs and wishes. Families should discuss all
options with their funeral director when making
arrangements.
- When selecting a funeral
director, choose one who is licensed and has a good
reputation in the community. Give thought to this
decision as you would when choosing a doctor,
attorney or other professional.
- Be prepared! Avoid the burden
of making a decision while under emotional stress by
organizing details with your funeral director ahead
of time. Remember… preplanning doesn’t necessarily
mean prepaying.
- Plan a personal and meaningful
ceremony or service to help you begin the healing
process. Getting through grief is never easy but
having a meaningful funeral will help.
- Contact Spengel-Boulanger
Funeral Home or Dauderman Mortuary for more
information on making meaningful arrangements.
Q: Is it
possible to plan a funeral in advance?
A: We recommend
that everyone preplan his or her own funeral. Doing so
can offer emotional and financial security for both you
and your family. By preplanning a funeral you will get
the kind of service you want and your family will be
unburdened from making decisions at a stressful time.
Preplanning doesn’t necessarily mean prepaying. If you
are considering preplanning your funeral, please visit
the Pre-Arrangement section of this website or contact
us for more information.
Q: Can I still
have a funeral service if I choose cremation?
A: Yes. Cremation
opens the doors to a number of different funeral
options. From traditional services to contemporary
celebrations, cremation gives you the flexibility to
personalize the services for yourself or a loved one.
To learn more about cremation, please contact
Spengel-Boulanger Funeral Home or Dauderman Mortuary.
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